The African History Truly African
By Pesuech Arok Deng
The Atuot, Reel, and Apaak are closely related Nilotic communities found in Yirol West County, Lakes State, South Sudan. They share deep cultural ties with neighboring groups such as the Ciec and Aliab of Greater Yirol. Known for their rich traditions, they have preserved unique customs in marriage, courtship, and social relationships.
This article, written by Pesuech Arok Deng, explores how love relationships were traditionally practiced among the Reel and Apaak communities, highlighting stages of courtship and values that shaped their social bonds.
Love relationship system in Reel and Apaak communities of Yirol West county Lakes State, South Sudan undergoes all steps inherited from ancestors. Some steps are the same with Ciec or Aliab of Greater Yirol but not sure of some.
This piece is basically based on what I know in the past which is necessary for this generation to know and see whether modern life inflicts changes.
The first stage is to stop a girl on the way by a group of men or individually to ask her name and that of her parents. One of the group members is designated as the man to be in courtship after a full introduction is completed.
A girl may reject if a man from the same clan already had a relationship with her or she may accept for you to proceed to the next steps.
This stage of acceptance is another vibe in Bor and Twi communities of Jonglei. Here, a girl does not personally accept her proposed suitor. This is decided by a Battalion of girls paraded in front of you in their home for a character audit. Yourself and your ancestors are part of the equation.
Should they find out one of your great grandparents murdered someone or stole a chicken hundred years ago, you will be disqualified and there is nothing you can do about it.
After the acceptance stage, the man can now proceed to what is called “goornïn” where you go to a girl’s home usually at night (7:00pm). Modern lifestyle puts this stage to daytime in towns while unchanged in villages.
If the girl’s house is “aduël” (local skyscraper) you will climb and sit on the balcony waiting either to be accommodated or chased. And if the girl’s home has “ayuïj or höt pieny”, you will stand at the outskirt of the homestead and make a sound using your throat to register your presence .
The girl will come to recognize you and report back to the parent. If they find out you are “gat mëtot” (2nd or 3rd born without a chance to marry), you will not be given a seat and leave like a dog without a tail. And if lucky, you will be accommodated making 1% of your journey completed.
You are not qualified for night conversations at this stage. The girl will only prepare where you sleep and disappear until morning “ba yi be thuol raar” only to be given few words and leave.This stage continues for about 3 months before you qualify for night conversations.
The next stage is “ba aköl nyuaak” where a girl and the suitor sleep on the same hide (used in the past but bed/mattress now). Remember, it is only sharing without touching your bodies. This may take 4 months to negotiate. Sometimes your agemates get involved in this negotiation.
The topic about apong is like committing suicide. It is discussed when the relationship reaches 5 or 6 years. You can’t dream about it now and pronouncing it by mistake leads to a red card.
After sharing the bed comes “thiëng” and “kuew” where the girl’s hand is used as the pillow while the other hand is placed on the upper side of ribs while potatoes pierce your back when sleeping. This may take several months to negotiate too.
As this happens, your 3rd tail must be correctly aligned between the thighs to avoid misbehavior. This tests your resilience and that’s why many Atut can endure long time without tasting forbidden fruit. Culture teaches them tolerance and control of lust.
After completing this phase, the road to Jerusalem is now clear. You can start behaving like someone promised by cartels to secure appointments in the Central Bank or Ministry of Finance.
But before you advance to forbidden fruit, you can now ask to know your position in the hierarchy. Remember, girls in the village rank their lovers from the first to the least loved and your senior is revealed to you by name. “nuer bi ke mac”.
You are lucky if you secure a second position. I was once placed in number 11, pending further scrutiny.
Promotion depends on what you do or have. Those with the best bulls or oxen as well as Wrestlers are easily promoted. Someone can be number 5 in January but rose to number one with all the privileges in April if he knocks down a powerful wrestler.
When you see a wrestler knocking his opponent down like a pumpkin, he is fighting to secure a position in someone’s daughter’s heart.
The worst comes when you meet on the same day of “goornïn” with your senior or the person above you . Nobody will attend to you for conversation. You will only be laid there like a wood while he enjoys his life in the next part of the tukul, probably 1 metre away from you.
If Israel starts bombarding Gaza in the middle of the night, your job is only to salivate with the decorum. Any misbehavior to interrupt the ongoing tournament will automatically lead to your definite dismissal in the love race.
A girl may be married to someone while you are still struggling with some stages before the final score.
Some of these stages may not be necessary if your intention is to marry. Sometimes, girls are not involved hoping they will comply with her parents’ decisions at the end.
…..
Who is Pesuech Arok Deng (author of this article) ?
Pesuech Arok Deng is a South Sudanese academic and public figure. He lectures at the University of Juba and has written several opinion pieces on governance, education, and social issues. He is also known for his involvement in local leadership and environmental initiatives in Juba.
